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Cappuccino

Cappuccino

Capuchin monkeys are named after the monks who are named after the drink or something like that, could be the other way around, so when Sam says that Olivia’s voice is like cappuccino we nod but we don’t really know what it means because none of us have tasted cappuccino, it’s just something from TV and Ben says don’t you mean chocolate? and Sam says something about him being unoriginal but the next time Olivia sings in assembly we all just get it and it’s like we can taste it, rich and strong and beautiful with a something sweet sprinkled on top, and even though it’s Olivia with her red hair looking ordinary but not ordinary in the hall, and though it’s this little light of mine and not whatever Lola wants, we could be sipping at it in the early hours as a smoky Gatsby-style jazz club is drawing to a close and Olivia there not in a grey skirt but in tassels or sequins or liquid gold, and we boys fold our hands in our laps just in case and the girls cross their legs and even Mr. Lamington who does the music is looking at her and not the piano and Olivia is looking somewhere else, beyond a draughty school hall that is too small to hold her ambition or notes sprinkled with cocoa sugar.

Later, in years where a cappuccino is just something to be grabbed from Costa, yes in the keep cup please, and we don’t even taste it because thoughts are punctuated by the clack of fingers tap tap dancing over a keyboard while we race through deadline, meeting, team share, it’s just something hot and wet to get us through, and grey Thursdays in Basingstoke are nothing more than that, and there she is in the street, Olivia, in a green coat clutching a keep cup and she’s there all ordinary but not ordinary, hi Olivia, and she tilts her head ah hi! How are you? and the relief that she remembers when most of us have almost forgotten who we are and she says I’m a singer now, and she’s lit up like she’s got a spotlight inside, well of course, you were always so talented, and she nods at the keep cup, cappuccino? she asks, nod, yes, cappuccino and she says cheers, chinks the cups together, haha cheers, and walking on, back to the office, take a sip and taste it again, that first thought of cappuccino, that first almost-taste of coffee laced with stars.

Inspired by the voice of Robyn Adele Anderson

Too Sick, Too Silly, Too Gross: An Interview with Caren Beilin

Too Sick, Too Silly, Too Gross: An Interview with Caren Beilin

Caren Beilin’s new book, Sea, Poison, is a short, sprawling novel, remarkably complex in its brevity and wonderfully playful despite the heaviness of its themes. It tells the story of Cumin Baleen, a writer living in a “city of hospitals,” as she tries to make sense of a medical scam that targeted her.

Sea, Poison is in dialogue with two other books: The Sea and Poison, Shusaku Endo’s harrowing historical novel about vivisection, and A Void, the novel Georges Perec wrote without the letter E. A Void came out of the Oulipo, a French literary and mathematical society dedicated to writing under experimental formal constraints. In Sea, Poison, the constraint is imposed from without—a surgery leaves Cumin with brain damage that confines her prose.

I love tricky formal constraints because getting through them requires strange, inventive uses of language. But Caren Beilin’s language is pretty much always strange and inventive. When she applies Oulipian restrictions in Sea, Poison, it reads as her voice, only more so.

-Sophie Drukman-Feldstein

For such a short book, Sea, Poison covers an enormous amount of ground: medical abuse in general and gynecological abuse in particular, sexual desire and romantic jealousy, polyamory, genocide, exploitation in the arts, precarity, societal outlooks towards victimhood … The novel also takes some dramatic stylistic turns. How did the different elements of this book come together, thematically and formally?

Sea, Poison began with a desire to write like Shusaku Endo. This desire coincided with my building awareness of a spate of cases in the news concerning criminality in the field of OB/GYN—cases where doctors had been abusing their patients for decades—primarily concerning forced or unwarranted hysterectomies (for purposes of sterilization or simply, to make $$$ through an insurance scam) and, rape.

I was particularly intrigued by the case of Javaid Perwaiz, an OB/GYN from Maryland who made about 18 million by charging insurance for an inordinate amount of hysterectomies—among a lot of nefarious stuff, he was telling women they had Cancer. He spent about 2 mil at Sunglass Hut. Patients had been raising concerns about him to medical boards and the legal system for decades—he’s now in prison, but it took about 30 years. This all coincided with a conversation I had with my mother that let me know the ways my own life intersects with this problem.

My first draft of Sea, Poison was a line for line syntactical mirror of Endo’s novel about human vivisection during World War II, The Sea and Poison. In this draft, I painstakingly described—as Endo did with the human vivisections of POWs in Japan—Perwaiz’s operations involving uterus theft, and was particularly interested in the ways all the people around a criminal doctor—nurses, assistants, administrators, institutions of higher education, the Olympic Committee—support those crimes, even if some do so tremulously, maybe out of massive ineptitude, or from their own horrific corners (traps). This was not a viable novel, as it did not contain enough of my voice and it was not funny. Plus, I was left with an uneasy feeling, conducting (via writing) these same criminal surgeries. So I wrecked the whole thing with more voice/my syntax and jokes, because who wants to read a novel about gynecological crime (which is basically a synonym for “the news these days”) if it’s not funny. So I hope it’s pretty funny, and ruined all through it with sexual desires and other ideas and parts of life, which also exist.

(The chapter “A Manager” is a vestige of the earlier Endo form where the sentences mirror his in terms of syntactical arrangement).

Did Cumin Baleen, the protagonist of Sea, Poison, emerge from the character by the same name in your short story “The Start”? If so, could you talk about the process of carrying a character from a shorter work into a longer one?

I suppose she did! For me, it’s not too much of a process since I write in a blurry, autofictiony space where I don’t take a lot of care between characters and whatever I consider myself to be. Something about “Cumin Baleen,” though, maybe jokes around about the self-seriousness that can come with autofiction.

I wanted to ask about this jokey approach to autofiction! Sea, Poison has two characters whose names are playful bastardizations of your own name. Both “The Start” and Sea, Poison talk about Cumin as a doppelgänger. Sea, Poison’s Cumin ties her experiences to a novel she’s writing, perhaps the same novel we’re reading. You also once said that you don’t care whether or not people think the protagonist of Revenge of the Scapegoat is you. How do you feel towards autofiction as a genre? Do you have any thoughts on the tendency to assume women’s writing is autobiographical?

Before I started writing autofiction more explicitly, I was used to people conflating my characters with me all of the time, sometimes uncomfortably. I felt affronted actually. These days I’m so inclined to use autofiction as a lure—there’s something so loud and obvious and even obnoxious about this form, and of course very intriguing on a base, gossip level. It draws someone in, this little shaking treat of potential nonfiction. The important thing about autofiction, to me, is that it’s not a sincere form. For me, it’s a lure and a joke. It’s a self-deprecating form in at least two ways—one, reading autofiction that isn’t self-deprecating in style/tone is largely excruciating and two, autofiction is so sort of pompously and ridiculously on-the-self that hopefully it deprecates the importance of “self” or even this kind of very dominant protagonism in fiction form.

Writers of other forms of fiction spend a lot of time developing characters—developing individuals, with their different traits and proclivities and particular backgrounds and probably, goodnesses—but a writer of autofiction doesn’t really have to do that. Like, whatever, it’s me, or it’s not. Read my bio. It deflates this task in fiction writing, which is a task bound up in individualism, maybe Western exceptionalism, maybe imperialism and war, genocide … these moments when all of the attention, the plot must pool around what someone’s traits are like, or how they are good, or will become good. Over and against what? Well, a lot of other people and things. I’m not exactly arguing for no protagonists (though I’m a huge fan of the literary magazine LEAN, which is devoted to non-protagonist-centered fiction—and my answer here takes inspiration from the editor Semyon Khokhlov’s narrative theory), but something about autofiction as a form deflates and, to me, makes a joke out of being a person. (It’s also a way to not write within that dominant strategy of empathy—writing the other—which I find to be, at its worst, imperialism, colonization, domination, erasure).

Sea, Poison involves an elaborate scheme to force concision and simplicity onto Cumin’s prose. How do you, as an author, experience the norm of concision in writing? Where do you think this norm comes from, and what do you think it does?

When I was in grad school for creative writing I had a professor who used to chide us for writing in such a way where he felt he was “slipping on a banana peel,” which was a way of saying “be concise,” or “not so language-y,” “don’t trip me up,” which was confusing to me, at the time, because in his courses we were often valorizing Barthelme. Who is allowed to be so extravagant? Concision is often linked to wisdom, like a precise observation or knowledge (it’s a common power tactic in a business setting to be laconic) but I don’t think I write because I’m wise or precise or knowing or a good businesswoman.

For me, you could be concise or not concise, but be in a dynamic with the reader—be giving that person too much, more than they want or expected or think they can handle, or give them too little, causing their mind to tumble with philosophy, or give something that seems exact like an aphorism. That’s fun. Sometimes concision is a necessary revision tactic if it feels like the writer doesn’t know the reader will be there and has a mind. Like, it’s not good to blather or complete every visual or every thought. But yeah, a lot of my work is about being too much, feeling and desiring too much, seeing and thinking too much, bleeding too much, being too sick, too silly, too gross, overfeeling things, spending too much time in the bathroom, I mean obviously I favor an excessive syntax.

Cumin says, of victimhood, “it is so hard, in life, to get off of the nose … But people really need you to do that. They get annoyed. They get bored.” Has this perception—that stories of victimhood are too on the nose—impacted your writing? If so, how?

For Revenge of the Scapegoat, my previous novel, I was interviewed by Brad Listi for his podcast. Due to the topic of that book, he asked me if I was the kind of person who holds grudges and it was so unsavory to me to admit that I am that I lied. I said that while this may have been my way as a child and younger person, I’m better now. Because the better thing in life is to not dwell in insult and to move on, that’s a better personality profile, it’s reassuring to hear about someone (that they don’t), and it’s comfortable to spend time with someone who doesn’t hold a grudge. But I am very confused about how this all works, considering some people in society are so much more likely to be victimized and it would sometimes be deeply important to recognize yourself as a victim (and for others to recognize this as well). In all the cult docs, a big motivator for the cult members to keep staying in the abusive situation is they get admonished for having a victim mentality—but they are victims of the cult. It’s such a fear people have, of being seen as having this mentality. A lot of people would do anything to not be seen this way, or to be seen as a victim. But there are victims. There are victims, for example, of gynecological crime. I don’t know how to square up the disgust society has for the “victim mentality” and its role in creating victims. I hope my confusion over this comes through in the writing.

You use the framework of Oulipian constraints to explore the kinds of restrictions that get imposed on writing from without, by oppressive institutions. Could you talk about how you view the Oulipo’s creative project in relation to these more inescapable, violent constraints?

Oulipo inspires and enables me. It is a practice of resilience. And, its very practice (of imposing sometimes impossible-seeming constraints on language production) is a recognition of the ways in which our language is largely automated, and would need to be forced, somehow, out of this automation. With Oulipo, you can be in touch with the parts of yourself/your language that are not simply running a script, a part of language you might not easily find access to without imposing massive, punishing constraints on “flow”—might be helpful, no, to mess with the flow, considering what we seem to be flowing towards?

There are many inescapable, violent, outwardly imposed constraints … Thinking of Oulipo in relation to these, I think about resilience, about the refusal to not survive, and to live anyway, write anyway.

You write that there is “no character sketch, no beginning of a book or anything, that genocide doesn’t sway right into the insides of.” How do you see the role of writers and other cultural workers today, in this time of extreme repression of those who speak or write against genocide?

Largely, if we are independently involved in language, dialogue, artmaking, gatherings, representation, poetry, conceptual provocations, storytelling—our role is peace. These are the activities of a peaceful society. I did not write Sea, Poison in light of more recent (getting very un-recent) events, but much of my work discusses the horror of genocide and the horror of the profusion of genocide in our human history. Heart of Darkness comes up in a couple of my works—in Spain, in Sea, Poison—I’m sure it’s because it’s a very impactful book on many levels, one of those impacts for me, personally, is that reading Heart of Darkness alerted me to a genocide I previously had no knowledge of (of the Congolese during Europe’s “Scramble for Africa”).

How many genocides have there been? I was humbled to learn about China’s Great Leap Forward, a three year period (1959–1961) of aggressive industrialization that saw an estimated 50 million deaths due to a government-induced famine. I didn’t know a thing about that until I attended a poetry reading by Jane Wong, where she read her poem “After Preparing the Altar, the Ghosts Feast Feverishly” which she says was dictated to her, very suddenly, by her ancestors who died in this (if you read the poem, you’ll believe it). There are many genocides spanning human history. Conrad, Wong, here are two writers who delivered the news of a genocide to me—who else was going to tell me? Had I come across these elsewhere?—no.

Or take Endo’s The Sea and Poison, overtly about the human vivisection of American POWs in Japan during World War II, but certainly calling to mind the concurrent Japanese activities of Unit 731, carried out in China during the war, which killed 14,000 people onsite (medical experimentation) and is considered responsible for 200k additional deaths due to its research into infectious disease. So there’s a very important role for writers, artists, in acknowledging and discussing mass killings and genocide—the very real human capacity to do so. As a Jewish person raised by someone born in a refugee camp in Austria, to parents who had survived (and lost everyone else), I was raised with persistent messaging from my family and my religious leaders to stamp out genocide wherever I were to see it growing. And how effective it was, as they helped to raise someone who is attuned to the signs of genocide—othering taken to its extreme. Scapegoating given to its logical conclusion. It may have been even more effective to link our devastating history to that of the Congolese, to the Chinese, to all who had been carelessly or carefully exterminated (unsuccessfully! Genocide is a lot of things, but it’s so fucking futile—this earth is populated by descendents of survivors of genocides)—then, we would have even more practice in recognizing the insidious motion of the genocidaire, how transferable it is across the human.

In Sea, Poison, I write as I often do about my status as a descendent of the Holocaust—one small choice I might highlight in this is the way I first discuss the genocide of the Congolese, in a small attempt to disrupt the primacy of one genocide over others, in the awful case that the fact of one genocide would somehow lessen or disqualify (or rationalize) any other. This idea, to skewer the primacy of my own family’s story of survival, with the initial acknowledgement of the Congolese, came from a conversation I had with David Naimon on his podcast, Between the Covers, and some of our shared ideas about growing up Jewish.

What was the experience of writing with Oulipian formal constraints like for you? What about the experience of writing the section that mimics Endo?

Sheer bliss! Effacing one’s own style only brings you closer to it. Mimicking another writer is a way to feel their awesomeness. The brilliance and deadliness and strangeness of Endo’s syntax—calm, direct, effusing these doubles, mirrors, often in the same sentence—is forever in my heart.

How did Perec write A Void without “control F”?!?!!?

I was surprised that the constraint around which the plot revolves—the shortening of sentences—is never applied to more than a few lines of the book. What went into that choice?

This narration is written inside of the triumph of—despite violent constraint—finding a fucking way to do it. Slip on these banana peels, motherfucker.

I really love all the descriptions of extreme, bizarre, and sometimes gruesome conceptual art that feature in many of your works (including Sea, Poison). How and why do you imagine so much fucked up art?

I was in art school and beginning to write seriously during the peak of a particular group of artists dominating the scene. Art world megafauna. Damien Hirst with his slabs of cow. Jake and Dinos Chapman who drew on real Goya sketches. Tracey Emin’s tent. I don’t know if I was in love with these artists but I was enthralled by them, and they were frequently in my visual field. They seemed like they were dripping in money. I remember Emin’s self-portrait “I’ve Got It All,” a photograph of her shoving money at her crotch. The art was willful and exasperating. It relied heavily on persona. Sometimes it felt evil. It was too surface-y and shove-y to feel profound. A kind of craftless art—paying other people to stick diamonds on a human skull. It was like, Art is just as bad as the rest of the world. A lot of the art was like “Suck my dick.” A lot of it’s about commandeering resources. I think I obviously admire it or am jealous or something. Part of my imagining so much fucked-up art is my enjoyment in partaking. There are other layers. In mid-life I’ve started to become overwhelmed with emotions before ancient art, antiquities. I tremble, in my new city of Cleveland, before a portable shrine from Tibet carved out of a solid section of log—or “The Stargazer,” a marble statuette from Western Anatolia circa 3300–1200 BCE. These artisans are anonymous—it is the craft, their offering, the materials and the working of them, that remains. I know in my own life that I must move, as an artist and person, from persona to anonymous, and I tremble before the task (ego where will you go?) and before the art that I am now drawn to.

I also appreciate that you often approach unusual things as literature. I’m thinking of Iris’s students’ emails in Revenge of the Scapegoat and Cumin’s search history in “The Start,” as well as the overall idea, in Sea, Poison, that medical violence could constitute a literary project. What appeals to you about these kinds of unconventional literature? Are there any unexpected places where you’re finding inspiration these days?

I feel humbled by these wonderful questions. I think it is somewhat about that willfulness of the artist. To use anything, move anything into the realm of creation. To refuse not to create. To convert impoverished fields into fields of provocation, music, color, design, story, poetry, into metareflection. In high school I had this dick pre-calc teacher. He really was one. Cruel, embittered guy, the kind of person who throws a chair around in frustration in front of children. I was startled, triggered, repulsed by his anger. When it came time to do the final exam for the class, we could fill up an index card with anything we wanted, to help us through the exam. I filled mine with the poetry of Lawrence Ferlinghetti and then transferred it onto the test. I got an F. F is for Ferlinghetti.

• • •

Caren Beilin is the author of the novel Revenge of the Scapegoat (Dorothy, 2022), winner of the Vermont Book Award for Fiction. Her other books are Blackfishing the IUD (Wolfman Books, 2019), Spain (Rescue Press, 2018), The University of Pennsylvania (Noemi Press, 2014), and the chapbook Americans, Guests, or Us (Diagram/New Michigan Press, 2012).  Some of these titles have been published abroad with The Last Books (Amsterdam) and los tres editores (Madrid). A new novel, Sea, Poison, is forthcoming from New Directions in October of 2025. She lives in Cleveland + Philly and is an Assistant Professor at Case Western Reserve University.

Sophie Drukman-Feldstein is a writer, editor, and French translator living in New York City. Their work has previously appeared in the Bellingham Review and Contemporary Verse 2. They read submissions for The Dodge.

Everything Is Fine On Planet Jell-O

Everything Is Fine On Planet Jell-O

The brother, Paleo, and I are doing inventory when it begins raining. Acid. It’s Acid Rain. The one that strictly arrives on the first Saturday of every month, to burn away the soil nutrients and kill the grass that has grown since the last acid washing. It’s a very dry planet. Our houses are known to crumble.

“Keto, come help me with the beans,” Paleo says. The toddler sister, Atkins, naps in the room next door.

“Stop telling me what to do,” I tell him. “I’m older than you. I could kill you in your sleep.” But I bend down to help him anyway, holding the doll’s mouth open as he tips kidney beans down her rubbery gullet. Inventory is not the worst chore in the world. The sex dolls are propped in a line against the kitchen wall, labeled RICE, FLOUR, and, of course, BEANS. Apparently, large Tupperware is too much for our parents to handle. The father is a part-time businessman whose side hustle is being a sex fiend. The mother is a hardcore elliptical coach at a private gym who tans her hide orange on weekends.

When she comes home, golden and sweaty, Atkins wakes up and begins crying.

“Those aren’t pinto, are they?” The mother asks, pointing at the BEANS doll.

“Kidney,” Paleo says.

“Good, good. A study just came out saying they have less fiber and can raise your blood sugar by point-five-one percent. Unbelievable.”

The shower turns on, and Atty keeps crying. We move on to NUT BUTTERS.

Depending on which diet the mother’s on, our dinners are blended into shakes, frozen into cubes, or wobbling in blocks of lime Jell-O. Tonight, it’s cubed fajitas with Heinz mayonnaise and cactus pear aioli. The tortillas are blended with whey and textured pea protein concentrate into nutritional smoothies.

“So I’m having lunch with Charles—Murdock, not Murphy, and he’s telling me he’s being sent off to Widower, to work for the eastern branch,” the father says. Paleo has already finished his cubes, and I’m cutting mine into an infinite number of tiny little chunks. Atty stuffs her face.

“This is the guy with the bitchy wife, by the way. The one who came into the office with the grocery store vegan cupcakes? So I’m like, ‘Widower’? Sounds like a good omen to me.’”

He laughs, then rapidly looks at us to gauge our reactions. We’re not laughing, so he stops. His right leg spastically bounces under the table.

“I want pasta juiceee,” Atty whines, thumping little fists against her tray table. “Juiceeeeee.”

“Hon, that’s tomorrow’s dinner,” the mother says.

“Oh, is it? I won’t be there for it, then. Leaving for going, ah, Wichita tomorrow morning. Business meeting,” the father says.

“You just came back today.”

“They need me up there. The northern branch is, ah, really struggling in the financial department right now.” He puts a hand on his leg to stop the bouncing, then the other leg starts up.

Paleo has already snuck away from the table, but no one notices or cares.

And now Atty has turned very still, her head making small jerks forward, her hands clenched in fists. Her lips are turning dusky blue.

“Keto,” the mother says as Atty continues to choke, “Why haven’t you been watching her? And can someone please pass the tortilla pitcher?”

What the Water Took

What the Water Took

In Low Bone Parish, the water don’t knock. It just rises. Quiet at first, like breath

held too long. It slicks along the bayou’s edge, kisses porch steps, then swallows

whole towns without a word. Folks call it a natural disaster. But the women on our street 

know better.

“The water comes when the women stop singing,” Nana always said, voice soft as

river moss.

That year, the river came early, slinking in through cracked windows and dreams. Mama said

it was just a storm. Said the levees would hold. Told us not to speak my sister’s name near 

the door. As if names invited things in. But Nana just rocked slow on the porch, humming

a song with no words, just sound passed down from throats long turned to dust.

Then came the morning my sister disappeared.

She was eight.

Wore her yellow dress, the one with the ruffled sleeves that made her look like joy

pressed into cotton. She danced around the kitchen that morning, humming

to herself, sticky with syrup and sun. By noon, she was gone. The search party came

late and left early. Sheriff Jenkins said it was the current. Said little girls shouldn’t 

be out near the water. As if that river weren’t stitched into our veins, baptized

into our bones. All they found were her shoes neatly placed side by side at the edge

of the marsh. Filled with mud. Like she’d stepped out of them and floated up.

Mama didn’t cry for two days. She just scrubbed the same floorboard over and over,

like she could erase the silence. Like grief was dirt that could be wiped away.

“She ain’t coming back,” Mama whispered on the third day. “That water took her.”

“No,” Nana said. “That water called her.”

Mama turned, eyes wild, face hollowed out like something eaten by time. “Don’t

start with that, Ma. Not now. Don’t bring your stories into this.”

Nana stood, slow and sure, like roots straightening themselves. “You forget what

you come from. You forget what we know. That girl didn’t drown. She got summoned.”

That night, I couldn’t sleep. My sister’s laugh

kept skipping across the floorboards. I

swore I heard her tapping on the window, soft like rain. I dreamed of her

underwater, skin glowing like moonlight on moss. And I woke with her name in my

mouth. I told Nana I wanted to find her. She didn’t flinch. Just pulled a small pouch

from under her apron—dried rosemary, a lock of my sister’s hair, a piece of rusted iron.

“You take this and walk barefoot,” she said. 

“The river don’t hear shoes.”

Mama blocked the door.

“You really gonna let her walk into that thing?” she asked. “Let her be next?”

“I’m letting her remember,” Nana said. “We all forgot too much.”

The river felt warm, like it recognized me. It parted soft around my ankles,

whispering in a voice I almost knew. I walked deeper, Nana’s pouch pressed against

my chest. The water rose to my waist. Then my shoulders. Then everything else

went quiet.

Down there, the current spoke in hums and hushes. I saw women floating with their

eyes closed and their mouths open, singing songs with no sound. Girls twirled

through the silt, their dresses trailing like jellyfish, glowing in colors I don’t have

words for.

I saw her.

Not exactly her. But her shape. Her light.

She looked back at me with those big eyes of hers, and for a second, the water

stopped moving. She didn’t speak, but I heard her.

“I’m not afraid of ghosts. Just people.”

Then she smiled, kissed my hand, and the current pulled her gently into the dark.

When I came up, the moon had shifted. I don’t know how long I was gone. Nana was

waiting at the edge of the porch, a blanket in her arms. She wrapped me in it and held me without asking questions.

Mama came out a few minutes later. Her eyes met mine, full of something raw and wordless. 

“You see her?” she asked.

I nodded.

And finally, Mama broke. She sank into the steps, her sobs folding into the night

like thunder after the flash. Nana sat beside her, their shoulders touching, not speaking,

not needing to.

The next morning, we sang.

Me. Nana. Mama.

We sang her name like a hymn, like a warning, like a door that still remembers how

to open. Let it stretch through the trees and over the water. Let it echo back.

And the river

for once—

listened.

Shame

Shame

I’m clean. I was clean five minutes ago. I scrubbed every inch of skin, washed my hair twice. Now I stand as the water streams over my body. The shower curtain is clear plastic. On the other side, standing before the mirror, Henry shoots the dope into his arm. I can’t see him with any clarity. All I see is the shape of his body, the minimal movements of his arms. He told me to stay in the shower until he was finished. Can’t stand being watched, he said. This is private, he said. You don’t need to see this. I wanted to say, I love you. Show me everything. But I said nothing. I snorted my share of the dope earlier. I was just starting to feel it, so I agreed to shower. Henry said he liked his boys clean. Can’t stand fucking a dirty boy. The water starts to cool. I’m running out of heat. I’ve never used the needle; I always believed that was too much, so I’m not sure how much time to give him. Surely, he must see himself in the mirror with its water spots spattered along the bottom of the glass. What does he think, gazing at his reflection as the dope sprints through his veins? Are you finished, I call out. The bathroom’s acoustics make my voice sound hollow, dead. Just another minute, he says, the words coming with difficulty. Once, soon after we started fucking, he asked me if I wanted to try it, to shoot up. It’s incredible, he said. You look in the mirror and forget who you are. But I said no. I tried to say I love you, but all that came out was no. The water now carries a distinct chill. I wrap my arms around myself, but they’re wet like the rest of me. There’s nowhere to go. Are you all right, I call out just to hear the sound of my voice. I hear, Oh, God. Oh, fuck me. Jesus fucking Christ. But I know I’m not meant to hear. I stare at his distorted silhouette through the plastic curtain. What am I waiting to see? It’s June. The air conditioning hums outside the room. I am thirty-two years old. I know my mother loves me. I know my father loved me. No one should ever know how much. I don’t want to die in East Texas. Henry exhales so loudly, I wonder if he’s done. I’m so wet and cold. I could turn off the water and simply stand in the tub. No, the thought of silence terrifies me. Just then, Henry’s silhouette moves closer. He has left the mirror. He moves like a twister surging through a pasture. He wants to fuck me. Always, after he’s done, that’s what happens. He pulls back the curtain. He’s so handsome I forget my name. He may not recognize himself, but I will always know him. Baby, he says, still holding the curtain. Water splashes onto the tile floor. Baby, he says, you’re shivering. Gimme a smile, he says. I wasn’t gone that long. Don’t I always come back for you? I want to say I love you, but instead I simply say yes. In less than a moment, he will touch me, and I will remember the first time he touched me. I will remember everything.

Hands

Hands

I’m at a wedding in the Languedoc. It’s the last weekend of September. I’m relieved the hot, cruel summer is almost over. There’s a woman on the table next to mine with bleached hair and a magenta mouth. She looks like an eighties rock star. I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s wearing gold hoops and a purple boob tube that’s so sheer it shows the contours of her uneven nipples. She took a call halfway through the vows, and now she’s heckling the groom.

“What’s her problem?” I say to the man beside me. He’s wearing a linen suit, a fedora and trainers. He’s an art director called Tim. Or Tom. I suspect we’re being fixed up. She stands on her chair and gestures like a footie fan: oggy, oggy oggy, oi oi oi. Other guests twitch and recoil, or try to outstare the remains of their cassoulet.

“Mattie? Oh, she’s been like that since the baby,” says Tim-Tom. When he talks, he views me from the corner of his eyes in shifty glimpses. There’s a smudge of butter in his auburn beard.

“Baby?” The air is warm and weighted, it presses on my head like kneading fists.

“She dropped it.”

“It?”

“A boy, I think.”

I think about my own child, as unplanned as the relationship I was in, and as yearned for, both barely formed before their pitiful endings.

“What happened?” I ask.

“Dropped him onto a coffee table.”

“A coffee table?”

Mattie sits down and leans back. She yells for champagne. Where the top’s shifted to show her tan line, her skin looks sore and neglected.

“It was an accident,” he says, as though my face suggests otherwise. “Wriggled out of her grasp and fell. Poor thing didn’t stand a chance.”

“Coffee table?” I’m a high-pitched echo.

“Yeah, one of those glass-top ones. It shattered, went everywhere.” He mimes a bomb going off. Not glass breaking, a bomb. Boom.

“Jesus Christ, that’s awful.”

Mattie stands up and staggers towards the bride. A crimson-clad bridesmaid intercepts, puts an arm around Mattie’s waist, and gently leads her away. Mattie’s laughter sounds like mating foxes. I reach for a half-empty bottle of wine.

“Her husband left her. Blamed the drinking.”

“Before or after?” I ask.

“Before or after what?”

I turn my head and use my fingertips to rub at the pain that’s forming in my skull. The waiter puts crème brûlées in front of us. Tim-Tom stretches his limbs and rubs his palms together; he has hairy arms but smooth, feminine hands that look like they don’t belong to him. He grabs a spoon and whacks the caramelised top; it cracks and splinters. Boom, he mimes again.

I push mine away. “You don’t want it?” he says, and takes mine.

I put my elbows on the table, rest my chin on my palms, and watch Mattie. She twirls and sways to Dancing Queen. Wary guests give her a wide berth. When “Copacabana” comes on, I drain my glass, scrape my chair back, and shimmy up to her. Mattie smiles and hugs me, though she doesn’t know who I am. She smells of cigarettes and almonds. We move around in a drunken clasp and when Tim-Tom joins us I those warm hands of hers in mine and lead her off the dance floor.

fractured & fused prize: CLOSED

fractured & fused prize: CLOSED

Fractured and Fused Prize

AWARDING $3,500 + PUBLICATION

JUDGED BY Sherrie Flick

September 15 to November 16, 2025

This contest is closed. Thank you for submitting!

One of our goals is to provide flash writers with new and inspiring prompts to fuel their imaginations and produce inventive and fresh stories. We’ve designed a new contest based on the theme of “Fractured and Fused.”

We invite writers to submit to the Fractured and Fused Prize from September 15, 2025, to November 16, 2025.

Objects break and people shatter, but what’s fractured may be fused. For this contest, we’re looking for stories that utilize the tension and conflict in something being fractured, or that revel in the catharsis of someone finding what makes them complete after a shattering. We always want stories with realistic and monstrous characters, who refuse stasis, who would rather act and be wrong than sit out their lives silently. If it’s broken, find a narrative that fixes it; if it’s perfect, find the fissures and show us the cracks. Let your character get into trouble and work to find a way out, to take on the fractures, to sew them into their new identities. Get messy with character, structure, language, and plot. Fractured and Fused, but for the better.

Guest Judge Sherrie Flick will choose three prize winners from a shortlist. We’re excited to offer the winner of this prize $3,000 and publication, while the second- and third-place winners will receive publication and $300 and $200, respectively. All entries will be considered for publication.

We hope this prompt inspires you to create something outside of your normal routine that allows you to tap into the wellspring of your creativity and helps you tell the story only you can tell.

Guest Judge: Sherrie Flick

What I’m looking for in a piece of flash fiction is strong compression, great characterization, and a succinct but well-rendered setting. I’m very interested in voice, and I’m very interested in the concept of time. I love to be surprised, and I’m the biggest fan of excellent sentences and perfect titles. I’m not so much interested in experimentation for experimentation’s sake, but again, I love to be surprised. Bring me your sharp edges and uncovered truths. Let them resonate so that emotion rises up from it all.

Sherrie Flick’s recent awards include a 2023 Creative Development Grant from the Heinz Endowments and a Writing Pittsburgh fellowship from the Creative Nonfiction Foundation. She is the author of three story collections: I Have Not Considered Consequences, Thank Your Lucky Stars, and Whiskey, Etc., all published by Autumn House Press. Her debut essay collection, Homing: Instincts of a Rustbelt Feminist, was published by University of Nebraska Press. The essay “All in the Family: Waldo and His Ghosts” was listed as notable in The Best American Essays 2023. She is co-editor for the Norton anthology Flash Fiction America, served as series editor for The Best Small Fictions 2018, and is a senior editor at SmokeLong Quarterly. She served as the 2025 McGee Distinguished Professor in Creative Writing at Davidson College and recently joined the fiction faculty for West Virginia Wesleyan’s low-res MFA. She lives in Pittsburgh.

The deadline for entry is November 16, 2025. We will announce the shortlist within twelve to fourteen weeks of the contest’s close. All writers will be notified when the results are final.

OPTIONAL EDITORIAL FEEDBACK:
You may choose to receive editorial feedback on your piece. In your cover letter, please let us know which piece you’d like your editor to focus their review on. We will provide a two-page global letter discussing the strengths of the writing and the recommended focus for revision. Our aim is to make our comments actionable and encouraging. These letters are written by editors and staff readers of Fractured Lit. Should your story win, no feedback will be offered, and your fee will be refunded.

Guidelines
    • Your $20 reading fee allows up to two stories of 1,000 words or fewer each per entry—if submitting two stories, please put them both in a SINGLE document.
    • We allow multiple submissions—each set of two flash/sudden stories should have a separate submission accompanied by a reading fee.
    • Writers from historically marginalized groups will be able to submit for free until we reach our cap of 25 free submissions. No additional fee waivers will be granted.
    • Please send flash micro fiction only—1,000 word count maximum per story.
    • We only consider unpublished work for contests—we do not review reprints, including self-published work (even on blogs and social media). Reprints will be automatically disqualified.
    • Simultaneous submissions are okay—please notify us and withdraw your entry if you find another home for your writing.
    • All entries will also be considered for publication in Fractured Lit.
    • Double-space your submission and use Times New Roman 12 (or larger if needed).
    • Please include a brief cover letter with your publication history (if applicable). In the cover letter, please include content warnings as well, to safeguard our reading staff.
    • We only read work in English, though some code-switching/meshing is warmly welcomed.
    • We do not read anonymous submissions. However, shortlisted stories are sent anonymously to the judge.
    • All AI-generated work will be automatically disqualified.

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Didn’t We Realize We Were Drowning?

Didn’t We Realize We Were Drowning?

In those days, we woke with bedheads and foggy eyes and boggy brains, comfy in our slept-in yoga pants as we headed to the kitchen to make our pot of coffee, our go-to prop for endless hours of video conferences with others, also at home, also in yoga pants they’d slept in, mewling toddlers and barking dogs in the next room.

Those days, we positioned the computer monitor to cut off our chins so colleagues couldn’t see us play Two Dots or Minecraft or stream CNN or NPR on our phones; often, we typed in the chat box ‘iffy Wi-Fi’, turnedoff the video, and did downward dogs, washed dishes in the kitchen, took shits in the loo, walked the dog in the park, or took our lunch in the garden.

Those days, we slept in bedlinens upgraded to organic 800 count cotton and silk-lined weighted blankets to hug us in our dreams; we napped at our desks, on the living room couch, in hammocks on our decks, hammocks we didn’t use as much as we wanted but knowing they swung gently in breezy sunshine reminded us, briefly, of longer days at the ocean serenaded by singing seagrass, the keening gulls, the clean ozonated air.

In those days, we jockeyed for sidewalk rights with runners and bikers and electric scooters; we walked fast, to get our shrinking hearts to pump again, to break a sweat, to feel the heady rush of our breath re-inhaled through masks, and then, the cool release when, safe at home, we ripped them off, gasping.

In those days, respite came when our Apple Watch chimed 5 pm, and we replaced caffeine with Cabernet or gin-and-lime and/or a joint and sat outside in the garden or swung in that now less sunny hammock, and sometimes, something nudged our mind or heart and we wrote it down or, more likely, contemplated writing down the small thought that came unbidden, but mostly we worried about what to cook for dinner, those ceaseless meals, and because we didn’t often foray into the world, we had to work with what still-good greens and proteins languished in the fridge.

Those days, when the sun circled to the other side of the earth or, rather, the earth shifted enough to leave us in darkness again, we gathered our greens and proteins into a bowl, doused them with sriracha—we craved sensation of any type—and filled our glass again and sat on the couch.

In those nights, we streamed Netflix and Hulu and Prime—we’d never realized the variety of true crime dramas and cooking competitions and murder documentaries and porn—and between the substances and the carbs and the hum of the tube, sometimes that thought would crash again against the edges of our brain and noodle through it, a slinking worm.

Those nights, we flipped to Animal Planet and ratcheted up the volume; we relished the violence of the lioness’ take-down of the gazelle, the shark’s feeding frenzy, the queen bee’s deadly mating ritual, and our favorite episode, the one where lemmings migrate en masse across the tundra, diving from Alaskan cliffs into the solace of water smashing into rocks. After the fourteen-minute scene, we sat in silence for a moment, awed at the momentousness of the lemmings’ foolish mistake, at the little creatures’ persistence in going forward despite the risks of ending it all, and we wondered to ourselves, Don’t they realize they’re drowning? In those nights, we answered ourselves the same way—with a shrug—and we turned off the television and the lights and, with phones in hand, we mounted the stairs to our expensively-sheeted beds and doom-scrolled ourselves to sleep.

Empty Bottle

Empty Bottle

She takes the empty urinal bottle from the nightstand and sets it aside quietly in a corner of the room. It was there for him to use when he couldn’t make it to the bathroom. The floor creaks beneath her as she bends over to pick up the package of adult diapers she bought last week. The package makes that sharp, plasticky sound as she tears it open, and she winces.

He stirs. “What’s this?” he says, voice cracked and small, barely able to get the breath to speak.

You can’t keep peeing in the bottle,” she says. “I can’t clean it up anymore.

He looks at the diaper she holds out to him, and then at her face. He doesn’t take it. She stands there and finally sets it on the nightstand, like an offering, and goes back to her side of the bed and removes her hearing aids for the night. She is trying to help him, she tells herself, but she knows that she is not physically able to care for him anymore, and wonders if she is being selfish. If he would just try to help himself, she thinks. But the thought brings with it a thick and choking gust of guilt.

These days, she cannot sleep very much; the pain in her legs is too much, so she was half-awake and watched it in slow-motion silence, against the backdrop of wafting snowflakes illuminated by a dull streetlight streaming in from outside. He tries to take the diaper off. Then he falls. She sees the fall, partially, but does not hear it. She doesn’t move for a moment. It’s like watching a plate fall—you watch it tip and you know how it will end. You try to reach out to catch it, but you only catch the edge, and somehow it seemingly accelerates its fall.

He has broken his hip, she knows. His second time. His voice, calling out for her, is sharp and frightened, and it cuts through her and slices something she thought she had already lost. She tells herself it isn’t her fault. He’s the one who got up. But she already knows how it will sound to other people. She knows he will say that he fell because she took away the bottle. She already hears the judgmental voices: maybe if you . . . you might have . . . if only . . .

When the present is too jagged and sharp to hold, she has always retreated into her distant past, but finds no solace there either. She goes back to that summer when their first child was born. The Guyanese heat was so relentless it felt solid, like something you had to push through to get anywhere. The baby had been sick for days. She asked him to take her to the doctor. He had said no, it was his day off, and he wanted to buy some rum and spend the day in the cool shade drinking. He wasn’t cruel when he said it, but his voice had been flat, like it was a fact too basic to question. So she went alone, carrying the baby through the sunlit streets, his little body heavy and limp in her arms. The doctor had looked at her with eyes that barely focused and told her to take the baby out for some air. She had stayed on the stoop of the doctor’s office all day, sitting in the heat with the baby, her dress damp against her back, watching people come and go and not knowing what to do. Finally, her mother and sister came and told her they would all go to another doctor.

The other doctor told her, hours later, what he could see right away: “If only you had brought him to me a few hours earlier, I might have been able to save him.” That sentence lodged itself inside her. She didn’t even know she was carrying it, at first, like something slipped into her pocket without her noticing. It’s still there, and it comes out in moments like this.

Now, waiting for the ambulance, she hears herself muttering something under her breath and realizes it is the doctor’s voice: maybe if you… you might have… if only…

When the ambulance arrives, she feels their eyes on her, the paramedics. She doesn’t say anything to them, but she already knows what they are thinking. When they take him away, she gets the cleaning supplies to clean the pee. She cries as she cleans. Her back locks, her legs cramp, her arthritic hands barely able to hold the cloth. When she is finally finished, she looks at the empty bottle in the corner of the room. It’s still there, after all.

A Richter Scale for Heartbreaks

A Richter Scale for Heartbreaks

Jessy, at thirteen, was a serious birdwatcher and carefully cataloged his sightings.  Junie, his best friend and three months his junior, fancied herself a trail interpreter. When they rode their bikes through the deep native woodlands just beyond their small town, Junie’s eyes were on the ground, and Jessy’s head was in the trees.  He could whistle the call of any bird he spotted, and Junie mapped all the trails that ran through the deep woods.  They were on the outskirts of puberty, and while they had only talked about it once when they were swimming in the deepest pool in the creek, they had agreed that they would marry when they were old enough.

Early one morning in late August, Jessy was helping with yardwork when he heard the heartfelt cry of Mrs. Mathew, a close neighbor.  Her terrier, Dancer, had dashed out into the street and stopped in the path of an oncoming pickup truck.  Jessy ran out into the street and grabbed the dog.  He had just managed to toss the dog onto the curb when the truck hit Jessy, bouncing him off the bumper.

The only thing that can be said about Junie’s grief is that it blackened the sky, caused rosebuds to drop without blooming, and created a dull but throbbing silence throughout the township.  Everyone mourned Jessy.  He has been an exceptional and beloved son.  But even the love of his parents seemed to pale against the deep and terrible pain that settled on Junie. 

Junie couldn’t bear the memories of birds and trails of the woodlands, and so she kept to the dry, asphalted streets.  Even there, Jessy’s impression appeared on every tree, bush, and blade of grass.   When she found the plans they’d made for an ant farm on her small desk, she wept over them until the paper fell apart in her hands.

It was her ancient neighbor, Mrs. Grath, who warned Junie about too much grieving for the dead.  “You spend that much time thinking about those that are gone, something is going to come through that thin veil and haunt you.”  Mrs. Grath gave Junie a sack of warm cookies and sent her on her way.

It was later that night, when Junie was staring out her bedroom window, that she saw a girl in a fluttery white dress standing under the large oak tree in the backyard.  The girl turned her face up toward Junie and lifted one hand in a silent wave.  Then she seemed to drift like a leaf and was gone.

Thunder started up, the kind that rolls across the sky with rumbling swirls and groans.  Junie watched a lightning bolt carve across the dark night, and a huge peal shook the house.  Without knowing she had decided to go, she pulled on her rainboots and raincoat and stumbled out into the night, heading toward the woodlands.  Once there, she returned to her childhood ways, hunting along the paths, her face to the ground until she came to the creek.

It was there, under the soft light of a slivered moon, that Junie saw a slender figure moving through the water toward the deepest pool where Junie had swum with Jessy.  The figure paused and turned around to face Junie as her white dress floated around her, swirled by small currents.  A voice reached across the pond.  “You should come here.  The water is lovely.  It’s warmer than your bed, warmer than Christmas.”

Junie stepped into the creek.  The current tugged against her boots.  She took a second step and could feel the current caressing her. 

The figure reached a long arm out to Junie.  “It’s like warm cookies and milk.”  Junie started to walk forward, sensing more than understanding that the water was growing much deeper and colder.  “We can walk together.  Take my hand.”  A pale, transparent hand reached out to Junie as the current pulled hard, and her feet seemed to float above the rocky bottom of the creek.  She could still hear a soft, drifting voice, “It’s warmer here.”

Junie took one last step into the deep current, then stumbled, and saw, more than felt, herself falling slowly through the water.

It was then that a yellow dog raced out from the bushes along the creek, barking and running along the bank.  He was more puppy than dog, but even so, he jumped fearlessly into the water and swam toward the deep pool, toward Junie.  He floundered in the chill water.  There was a clear hoot of an owl, and then another.  Junie looked up to see something soar just above her on wings that were silent and strong.  She took a deep breath and tried to straighten up from the water as the current pulled against her.  It was her struggles that turned her around toward the flailing, waterlogged puppy.  As the owl hooted one last time, she began her hard struggle against the current.  Junie fought her way through the water until she reached the puppy and could gather him up into her arms. Together, they moved slowly toward the shore and away from whatever the deep pool might have held.  The dog, soon named Curry, was a mongrel puppy who would not be parted from Junie.  He was her comfort during nights when thunder cracked and loneliness seeped in through the siding and roofing tiles.  He was her comfort as they meandered together through the forest paths, and she whispered to him of the boy who had wandered the forest paths with her, and about the ant farm they had planned to build.