The Scarecrow Takes a Series of IQ Tests

Predict the next shape in the pattern. Here is a wolf’s heart. Here is a wooden crucifix. Here is an emerald. Here is one drop of water. Here is a witch’s crushed corpse shoed in jewels.

Plunge your hand inside your head and withdraw a fist full of straw. Study the segments. Arrange by lengths. Order them on a spectrum from fresh to mildewed rot. Would a horse be satiated after eating your mind? How about a goat? Would any crow ever fear you? If you’re unsure, pluck another fist full. Remember, though, the timer ticks onward.

Spectacles, imposter, dust bowl, emerald, uncle, fool. Repeat these words back to me.

What year is it? What month? What day? Who is ruler of Oz? Why must it never be you? Where are you right now? Include both location and state of existence. And why do you loiter in this same spot for so many days and months and years, as if nails fix your spine to a stake?

How many triangles can you find in the witch’s hat?

How many squares can you find on this brick road painted yellow?

Identify the color missing from the sequence of blue and white squares, not too unlike the check of Dorothy’s gingham. Which quadrant most unsettles, like a tear in Dorothy’s skirt left by clawing monkeys? Second-guessing may be the tactic of a weak mind. Or is that critical thinking at work? Remember that the timer, too, factors into your score.

Even if your spatial reasoning proves weak, this is but one factor. What about ethical intelligence? Take, for example, a girl, so young, so bewildered, so lost. Are you sensible enough to chaperone her journey? Will you guide her away from or tromping straight through poppy fields? Leaving her to the whims of a shrewder creature may be wisest.

Here is a monkey. Here are some wings. Here is a balloon. Here is a basket. Here is a home. What comes next?

Repeat the previous series of words. The order does not matter, but note that you started with ‘imposter.’ And you forgot the word ‘fool.’

Draw a clock that represents the time at ten until three o’clock, the witching hour. Why are you still awake?

Identify these animals by extremities. Lion, you say? A black terrier? Woodsman’s delimbed arm? A wizard? Can you be certain without more proof? A kalidah with head of a tiger and body of a bear? This combination sounds akin to indecision.

From one hundred, subtract seven. Subtract seven again, and again, and again, and again. Go as low as you can, until you have almost nothing left.

Imposter is to wizard as:

A) paranoia is to kalidah

B) constitution is to china doll

C) tin is to skin

D) hero is to scarecrow

Monkey is to flying as:

A) survival is to lying

B) death is to hydration

C) lion is to bravery

D) emerald goggles are to bliss

Some critics claim analogies such as these are culturally biased. Know that we put each question through a rigorous review process, scrutinized by a panel of Munchkins, Wheelers, Winkies, and Quadlings. Scarecrows remain absent from our review, along with all enchanted inanimate objects. Can any diversity initiative be all-inclusive? That is not a question for the test. We simply value your opinion, which will be evaluated rather than assessed.

Birth is to rights as:

A) home is to desire

B) yellow is to brick

C) breath is to life

D) straw is to stone

Find the next figure in this pattern:

1. Wolf

2. snarling wolf

3. beheaded wolf

4. mother wolf

5. pile of dead wolves that once had much more life and intelligence than a sack of straw

Repeat again the series of words. Can you remember nothing besides ‘imposter’ and ‘emerald?’ ‘Imbecile’ was not a choice, nor ‘root rot,’ nor ‘crown rot,’ nor ‘clicking heels.